You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
