White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
