Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
