I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
