Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
