started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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