Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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