So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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