apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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