you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
