There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
