some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize