I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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