Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
