Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
