Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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