it hurts more in the daytime
if only i could text you this smell
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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