I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
