you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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