I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
