i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
