Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
