at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
