I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
