Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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