My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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