Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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