TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
