He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
