Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
