just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
