what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
