So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
