I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
