I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
