i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
