3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
