he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
