Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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