My hair reeks of homosexuality.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
