"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
