So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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