last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
