Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
