You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Randomize