ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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