when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
