you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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