Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
