the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
