yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
