so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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