I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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