I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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