Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
