you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
where are my eyebrows?
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