Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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