Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
