Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
