Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
