ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i need some magic done to my vagina
I currently don't understand fingers.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
