It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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