Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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