butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
false alarm. still invincible.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
