He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Randomize
