OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
jump out the window naked night went bad
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
