my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
