Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
