He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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